Wrapping Up National Singles Week!
Posted 9/21/2012 12:00:00 PM

Happy National Singles Week! Word is there are approximately 82 million single and unmarried adults in the United States. National Singles Week is celebrated the third full week in September (Sunday through Saturday). Some may say, “What’s to celebrate?” but enjoy your freedom now before you take on the task of commitment.  Today we talk online tips to help you get over your single hump – if you desire. And look at a few dating mistakes. Who knows? With careful discernment, prayer, and taking care of you first, next year we may be celebrating a relationship anniversary for you!

Glamour Magazine had a great piece on what you can do to up the ante of your dating pool if you choose on-line matchmaking. Chemistry.com partnered with the Smart Dating Academy suggest  the following info to brush up your profile:

1. How to Lose a Guy In Ten Seconds: Men’s biggest turn-offs in the world of online dating profiles are women who are too picky about who they want to date, poor grammar, and old photos. Women on the other hand, hate it when guys overuse LOLs and JKs in their profiles.
2. Size DOES matter (sorry guys!): Men prefer women keep their “about me” section to just a paragraph; women think guys need to write about 2-3 paragraphs.

3.  The kiss of death is being generic:No one likes it when a profile is filled with clichés. For instance, no on likes to “play games, so saying so is the number one cliché dealbreaker. Women, don’t bother saying you “live life to the fullest,” and men, forget about your love of “long walks on the beach” or how you “know how to have a good time.” The opposite sex is rolling their eyes.

4.  Say cheese!: Both women and men look at smiles first in a potential match’s profile. Women also like gazing into the photo’s eye,s while men check out women’s physique.

 5. Get up close and personal: Profile pic dos: Casual photos (81% of singles prefer), fully body shots (74% want to see), and close ups/headshots (70% think this is necessary). Photo don’ts: Instagram shots and your professional LinkedIn pictures. This isn’t a Tumblr or a job interview.

I have never did the online thing but know it has worked for some of my girls…well…accept the dude who told one of my my besties put her baby to bed so he could come by! Ugggghhh! Dude, she never met you.! You could have been a serial killer! Really? SMH…

But on the real, dating can be daunting. Dr. Allison Conner wrote a piece regarding the top 10 dating mistakes, but I took a few that I found the most important that folks deal with on a regular: game players, fantasizing too much  about the future and not reading the red flags. (sidebar: Iyanla got on Evelyn for that one!)  But here we go:

1. Game playing:
This strategy is usually employed for one of two reasons. The first is to protect one's ego. When it comes to dating, everyone, on some level, fears rejection. Playing it cool and not getting too involved may make you feel safe, but you risk coming across as aloof or remote, and may turn the other person off. Balance between demonstrating interest and maintaining your composure is best. Another reason people play games is to get something you want that you wouldn't likely get if you played it straight. For example, telling someone you love him or her so they will sleep with you, and then not calling them again. This form of manipulation is simply unacceptable (to put it mildly), and does not lead to healthy relationships. You will get further in less time in finding a relationship if you allow yourself to be genuine. It's OK to put your best foot forward, and also to be a bit cautious, but have the courage to be upfront and show who you are.

2. Fantasizing about the future:
While men are typically (not always) the masters of game playing, women have this one down pat. When you catch yourself trying on his last name before the third date, it's time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with “falling in love.” This might as well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your faculties; your brain is hijacked by those lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to think clearly. Until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work out.

3. Ignoring red flags:
If someone doesn't show up when you’re supposed to meet, that's a red flag. If they don’t let you call them at home, yep, red flag. If they kick their dog, bingo, red flag. Of course, there are more subtle warnings that one may be tempted to overlook, especially if one is eager for the relationship to work out. While one shouldn't jump to conclusions without sufficient evidence on the first problem that arises, an emerging pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under the rug. Address these problems early, and don't waste your time.

Don't keep making the same mistakes. Be honest about your needs and if they can’t be met, they can kick rocks! I mean, dating can be fun but if you are tired of fun, you have the right for a real relationship. Don’t think every date is your potential mate, but be ready for love. It often happens when you least expect it. But tonight, enjoy the single life!

Posted By: Julee Jonez  

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