Iyanla Fixes Failed Friendships
10/5/2012 12:00:00 PM
So ever have a group of women an dall is well til it turns to a word that rhymes with “bell’? Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt! But I wish Iyanala could have helped me out!
The episode is titled “Iyanla: Fix My Backstabbing Friends.” Focuses on the creators of “The Six Brown Chicks”, a group of authors who blogged about life, love and letting go of the drama. According to one member, there were primarily two kinds of destruction that weakened them: demise by fire (the disrespect for the brand that weakened our credibility to the outside world), and demise by water, (the stealthy, frequent drops of dissent that rotted our foundation from the inside). The group of six had separated itself into cliques. While they blogged about girl power and the beauty of partnership, it was another story on the real. Iyanla dissected what went wrong with the Six Brown Chicks, but more than that, she revealed the ugliness that seeps into women’s relationships on a daily basis. Peep it this Saturday and learn from it. I never want to face loss with women I love like in the past. So I hope to gain insight to past failed friendships. Peep the preview below:
J. Darling wrote a piece for Yahoo in 2009 called “The End of Female Friendships and Ways to Avoid the Break-Up”. Five reasons for the female friendship fail?
1. Jealousy or a sense of competition among friends is one of the main reasons why friendships fail. According to Susan Shapiro Barash, 80% of women report that they have tried to "one-up" female friends (Barash, 2009). When you are feeling jealous of a friend, get to the root of that jealousy.
2. One of the friends thinks the friendship is one-sided, or at least thinks she's putting more effort into it than the other friend. The friend may not realize that she's continually flaking out on things you want to do, or may not realize that you've realized it. If you are the flaky friend, the first step is to admit you have a problem! If the friendship is important you will acknowledge that your friend has needs and you're the one making all the effort to keep things going, talk to your friend.
3. Sadly, often a man gets in between friends. The most direct way this happens is when a female starts dating someone that their friend is involved with, is interested in, or has been involved with in the past. While the past is the past, when friends start dating girlfriends' ex-boyfriends, a lot of unnecessary drama can occur. An even stickier situation is when a girlfriend competes with a girlfriend for the attention of a man.
4. Changing life situations and circumstances can cause friends to drift apart. Physical and emotional distance can be caused after a friend moves away, gets married, has children, or other life-changing experiences. Sometimes as people get older, their interests change and they find they no longer have things in common with the old friends. In order to maintain a friendship hurt by distance, make time for the friend, even if it's just an email, a letter or card, or a phone call.
5. Friendships can go bad when one or both friends starts exhibiting signs of being a "toxic friend." Which includes friends who betray, who are self-centered, are abusive, overly critical, and those who constantly tell others the friend's personal business. Displaying the characteristics of a toxic friend doesn't mean that someone is necessarily a bad person or a bad friend in all cases. However, it is important for people to recognize their weaknesses and strive to improve them. If it’s you? Try to be less critical of your friend's decisions, don’t repeat things that were told to you in confidence- better yet, don't discuss the friend at all when they're not around, no matter if your intentions are good.
And when all else fails, try to holla at Iyanla!