When Daddy Talks to His Little Girl About S-E-X
11/1/2012 12:01:00 PM
Told your kids about sex yet? Nowadays, sex is so readily around them you have to give them the “heads up” early! I try to talk about sex holistically, biblically and in today’s reality with my youth. With my own son? I try to drill waiting until marriage and even talk about from a woman’s perspective what a woman needs in adult –age relationships. Yes, he is only 9 but I want it in his mind now: school, career, marriage then babies! Now, I realize my little angel (side eye…) may choose to do different than what I instill in him. Yet, I want him to know the ideal time and circumstances when sex and love should happen.
But I need his daddy/ my hubby’s help. And research backs me up.
So when you think of the “sex talk”, you may have the thought of mama talk to the daughter and papa can holler at the boys. But recent research says it’s more vital for daddy to have the talk with your sons and daughters, too. This new study shows when dads talk with their children about sex, those children have less sex during adolescence. But there are other reasons daddy needs to take time to talk about sex with our kids – epsecially with our girls. Kim Olver wrote a piece for Your Tango called, “4 Reasons To Have a Father-Daughter Sex Talk”. Peep it below:
1. Research shows when fathers give their daughters the talk, their little girls have less sex when they're older. The first reason is the most obvious. If fathers talk to their daughters about sex, according to the research, they will have less sex during their adolescent years. This also means there will be less STDs and teen pregnancies. This can only be a positive thing as we think about our teen's sexual health and their lack of necessary maturity to make decisions about adoption, abortion and raising a family.
2. Women and men have a different understanding of sex. Have you ever noticed that boys and girls think about and treat sex differently? Generally speaking, girls tend to equate sex with love, while boys are better equipped to separate the act of sex from their emotions. Since women are not like this, it is difficult for mothers to understand it and even more difficult for them to explain it to their daughters. Daughters may also have a difficult time believing their mothers when moms are talking about what sex is like for boys. Girls will trust this information better coming from their fathers. When girls hear about these differences from their fathers, they will be better prepared and know what things to look for in their potential dates.
3. A close father-daughter relationship makes a huge difference. When girls are close with their fathers and they are able to talk about practically anything including sex, those girls are not experiencing a void in their lives from an absentee father. Dads can live in the same home with their daughters but if they never have any quality time together, then it can feel as if they don't even have a dad. When girls do not have close relationships with a father figure, they tend to seek a boyfriend to fill that void, often getting into physically intimate relationships before they are emotionally ready to cope with the implications of those relationships.
4. Daughters who have positive relationships with their fathers have higher self-esteem. When a dad can talk with his daughter about sex, that implies a particular type of closeness between father and daughter. Daughters with positive relationships with their fathers have higher self-esteem and are more confident in the world. They will be less likely to succumb to peer pressure because they are more secure in who they are.
So what do you do when daddy is not around? Keep talking mama! You want to talk to your sons about relationships, particularly from the female perspective. Teach the girls how to know the signs when a boy is truly interested in who she is as a person. Don't allow your daughter to be the victim of getting used sexually or emotionally. She will not learn that from other girls. She can learn from her mother. So we women can never settle for less or be too “thirsty” for male companionship. More is caught than taught. But at the end of the day, daddy helps. If he is not there, pray for wisdom in finding a close, TRUSTED, male figure can be influential as well. But I would encourage any biological father to stay proactive in their kids lives. I celebrate all the great fathers I know. And if you haven’t been that, it’s never too late to try to get right.
Let’s arm our kids with the tools to help them have high esteem and be in relationships that are beneficial – not ones that break them.