Surviving a Holiday Break Up
11/28/2012 11:12:00 AM
I remember Christmas my senior year. Not because I could drive my white Daytona to hang out that evening, but a blow up with my boyfriend…
And his other girlfriend!
I can see the moment she exploded and ran upstairs crying an uggggllllyyy cry! I asked his mother if I could talk to her and she softly said, “That would be nice, dear.” After all, both of us were getting played, right? It got worse as she continued to ugly cry on his mama’s couch cussing me out. I had enough respect to scold her for acting a plum fool with his mother there. The boyfriend? Mad at his mother for letting her in! I took my gift, hopped in my ride and went to the teen dance spot to party my blues away.
Needless to say, my holiday had a break up.
But for some, it’s more serious than teen love. What happens when you – as a mature adult – lose someone special during the holidays? It doesn’t even have to be cheating. Maybe things have been falling apart anyway. Perhaps you are the one that has to let someone go. And dang! You didn’t even get your gift first! LOL
But on the real, a time of year that is supposed to be about love and spending time with all the special folks in your life. So how do you survive the holiday blues after a break up? Lisa Steadman penned a piece, “Holiday Breakup Survival Guide”. Here’s her tips:
1. Focus on friends and family.
Instead of obsessing about what went wrong with your ex, focus your energy and attention on your friends and family. You are loved by many people! You may just need to tweak your perspective. Take some time this holiday season to reconnect with old friends, tell a family member how much you love them, and in turn heal your broken heart.
2. Pamper yourself.
Think of all the money you’re saving by being single this holiday season! No ungrateful ex to shop for, no annoying in-laws to visit, no ridiculous lovers’ spats after one too many cups of eggnog. This holiday season, celebrate your single status by pampering yourself. Spend a day at the spa. Splurge a little on gifts for yourself. Decorate your home to your heart’s content. Whatever floats your boat, you’re footloose and fancy free to do it!
3. Reserve the right to say “None of your bees-wax!”
Nosy relatives asking too many questions about What went wrong? Well-meaning but intrusive friends trying to tell you what to do next time? This holiday season, your breakup is nobody’s business but your own. So when someone sidles up to you with a gossip gleam in their eye and asks, “So where’s what’s his name?” reserve the right to protect your healing heart. Simply smile and say, “None of your business.” Or, if you’re so inclined, choose a more radical response, i.e. “I shipped him off to Iraq for the new year,” or “He’s contemplating his bad behavior from behind ex-boyfriend bars.” This holiday season, put your healing heart first and put a stop to those nosey questions about the breakup.
4. Become your own arm candy.
After a breakup, it’s sometimes difficult to get used to going to parties alone again. The holiday season makes it even tougher because there are so many parties to go to. Instead of fretting about all those outings by yourself, celebrate being single by being your own arm candy! Before going to the party, stop by the mall makeup counter and get a professional makeover. Wear that saucy red dress and stiletto boots. (Or if you’re a guy, invest in that cologne that makes women weak at the knees, or buy a new sweater or blazer that makes you feel like the hunk o’ man you are). Then walk into the party like you own the room. Go ahead - give yourself permission to be your own arm candy!
5. Give yourself permission to celebrate your slump.
There will be times this holiday season when you won’t feel like celebrating. Times when you will want to mourn the loss of your past relationship. And that’s okay. Give yourself permission to turn down a party invitation or two in favor of curling up with a good book, a glass of wine, or your favorite sappy movie in your pajamas at home. The best way to truly move on after a breakup is to first celebrate your slump. And if you want to celebrate your slump all season long? That’s your prerogative. Go for it.
Don’t go into a new year with old baggage. In retrospect, it is always better to end what isn’t destined than dragging it out. Now, if it’s marriage and kids are involved, that’s an issue that goes beyond the holidays! We may address that in another blog! But remember: to everything there is a season – and that includes break ups .
Yep – even during the holiday season.