Domestic Dysfunction Breeds Danger
12/6/2012 11:55:00 AM
This week tragedy stuck so close to home with the killing of Kasandra Perkins followed by the suicide of who killed her, Chiefs player and father of her child, Javon Belcher. How I wish that fateful argument would have ended with him walking away. How I long for that argument to not have escalated. I can’t even listen to the 911 call for it makes me sick to think of this young mother dying in the arms of her child's grandma. Then I think of Javon snapping and turning the gun on himself. The daughter left behind makes me pray earnestly for her well-being.
Financially we know she is cared for. Zoey Michelle, the daughter of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend, Kasandra Perkins, will receive over $1 million due the NFL’s collective bargaining agreement. The terms of baby Zoey’s benefits are as follows:
$108,000/year for the next four years
$48,000 in fifth year
$52,000 in the sixth year and every year after until she turns 18 years of age
If Zoey decides to attend college after she is 18, she will receive $52,000/year until she turns 23 years of age
Hopefully, the NFL will make sure the money is put to proper use until Zoey is of age to handle her finances on her own. But still, this little one needs prayer, a strong support system and people who care for her best interest to make sure she is a victor as the innocent victim of murder-suicide. This highlights a domestic violence issue. While it’s been said the two argued frequently, we don’t know to what degree there was anger, dysfunction or any type of abuse - even the kind that leaves no scars. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse is not functional or normal either. Since we can’t get the full story with both parties deceased, how do you know when you need to walk away? How do you identify normal ups and downs versus dangerous dysfunction? Amir Shaw of Rolling Out sheds some light on avoiding tragic endings by knowing early when to let go.
Via Rolling Out:
Forget who you thought you fell in love with
Most people are capable of hiding their emotional issues in order to attract a person they’re interested in dating. Great date nights and sex can allow people to hide deep emotional issues. But you will never truly know a person until you see them at their worst. If you discover that your lover is too abusive to stay with, forget about the good person you thought you fell in love with and come to grips with reality.
Be confident enough to speak out about abuse
Some may find it embarrassing to be in an abusive relationship. But you have to tell a good friend and family member what you’re dealing with in case things go too far.
Plan your escape
If you’re dealing with a person who has severe emotional problems, you will have to plan how you will leave that situation.
Notify law enforcement when moving
The first step is to issue a restraining order. Once you decide to leave, you can have a sheriff be present as you move items out of your home.
Consider changing phone numbers
Once you move, you should change your phone and cut off contact if needed.
Don’t post location on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram
Social media allows us to share our lives. But the former lover who has become a stalker can follow you to your destination once you post on Facebook and Twitter.
Alert employers at your job
If you think your former lover will show up at your job randomly, alert your employers so they can make sure security knows to keep an eye out for the person. If you are in school, notify school administrators and professors.
Alert your child’s school administrators
You should notify your child’s teachers and administrators once you leave an abusive relationship. To prevent a potential kidnapping, you may want to transfer your child to a new school.
Leave job or city in extreme cases
Sometimes you have to leave your old life behind and start new when faced with an extreme case of abuse.
Spend time alone and learn to love yourself
In order to move on, you must return to loving yourself. Enjoy family, friends, go to the movies, take a road trip and heal. Once you step away from the dating scene for a while, you can learn not to make the same mistake twice.
We may never know the whole story behind the Perkins-Belcher tragedy. But we can equip ourselves with knowledge on protecting ourselves and helping those we love in toxic relationships.