Has the Dating Process Died?
1/23/2013 11:15:00 AM
Remember dating? I mean actual dating that was an event.
Back in the day, you got fancied up. Hair done? Check. Makeup applied? Double check. The evening itinerary? Get picked up. Do dinner first. Then a movie. And if you felt chemistry, the chance to get "wooed" would continue.
Do you remember that? Well, thanks to technology – amongst other things- some say it's a wrap.
In the New York times article, "The End of Courtship" reveals the lack of dating, pointing to "hanging out" and "hooking up" as partly to blame. In fact, the article uses the story of a Shani Silver, a young woman from Philadelphia, who was supposed to go on a date with a guy she met on OkCupid, but turned him down when. WHY? The night of the date, he sent her a text message, suggesting that they met up at a local Pub where he was already having drinks with his friends. To me that is tacky, thoughtless and a red-flag indicator that his "homey's" could be priority over her.
Apparently, she thinks like me.
“Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But later in retrospect, she stated. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.” Relationship experts point to technology as a great factor ending the "old-school" dating culture. For example, when is the last time you heard someone actually pick up the telephone and asking someone on a date? Then actually plan a date with the person or surprise them? There's something so impersonal and not special when trying to date via texting, e-mail, Twitter or Facebook. The article says this removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N.J. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.”
And online dating can lead to a whole slew of issues. From people not being who they say in their profile, to a "speed dating" approach, chances of being romanced into a relationship can be dueling. Having options may sound great but there can be pitfalls - particulary for interpersonal communication. “It’s like online job applications, you can target many people simultaneously — it’s like darts on a dart board, eventually one will stick,” said Joshua Sky, 26, a branding coordinator in Manhattan, describing the attitudes of many singles in their 20s. The mass-mailer approach necessitates “cost-cutting, going to bars, meeting for coffee the first time,” he added, “because you only want to invest in a mate you’re going to get more out of.” And what about "group dates?" Yeah, it's a new norm. Services like Grouper specialize in bringing together sets of friends for an outing! Back in the day a first date allowed some genuine dialog to take place where you could really get to know someone, right? Thanks to Google and Facebook stalking, you can find out what you need to know about a potential boo before the date!
My thoughts? While it may be easy or even convenient to put away the hassle of formal dating, part of the chase is the most fun. And when I say chase, I don't mean "text tagging"! Looking into someone's eyes while discussing dreams or even disappointments can make you closer. A physical soft touch during dinner can be romantic. Gestures like picking someone up and taking them to their favorite spot breaks up the monotony of the dating cycle.
But it's up to you. Courtship may be dying but give it some CPR if you prefer to be wooed and wowed, instead of tagged on Facebook. To read the article, click here.