Are You Really on a Date?
1/25/2013 11:58:00 AM
This week I have talked a lot about love and relationships. Research shows in January, a lot of people are moving into new relationships. To find one, you need to date, right? But the dating game has changed due to many factors. The other day I blogged about the New York Times article on the death of dating. You know, we are in a culture or “hanging out” and “hooking up”. Conversations with text versus face-to-face interaction are common. Whereas back in the day, you’d go on a date and then in between, stay on the phone for hours! Does that still happen?
For some yes. It is a requirement to be actually courted – picked up, taken out, and dropped off. Shoot, on a good date you may hit it off so well dinner and a date turns into breakfast (no, not in bed!) But for some of the daters I know, that doesn’t happen. Yet, they consider hanging out in the bar with a crew of other people a date.
To each their own but if you want to know the line between a “true” date, The Frisky compiled a guide to help you know for sure if you got a date or a …”non date’:
The Characteristics Of A Date:
Someone asks someone out in advance. It doesn’t matter who does the asking, or how, but someone does it. And more than 30 minutes in advance. Let’s say at least 24-hours in advance just to be safe. There is an agreed up day and time for said date. Maybe there are no exact plans until the day of, but you know that on Thursday night after work you and Joe or you and Jane are going to spend time together. That’s a date.
You go somewhere. It doesn’t matter who plans it. If Joe comes up with a plan or if you do or if you and Jane collaborate, but you plan to do something together. This could be as simple as getting a cup of coffee, or it could be as elaborate as taking a flying trapeze lesson. I did that on a date once. Really fun!! IMO, a date must include a shared activity for it to be a date.
3. You are alone, just the two of you. Unless it’s a polyamorous type of situation, or you agreed upon it in advance, there should only be two people on the date. Not the two of you and his college buddies. Just you and him or you and her being alone together doing something at an agreed upon time. That’s a date!
The Characteristics Of A Non-Date:
Hanging out happens spontaneously, or last minute. No one asked anyone. You had not planned to be together, but rather ended up together. You met at a club in Williamsburg. You ran into each other at a party. You got a late-night text asking, “Sup?” And now you are together.
There are more than two people. If he invited you and all your friends back to his place for some whiskey and mac n’ cheese, it’s most definitely a non-date. I once found myself on a date that turned into a non-date the minute he told me all of his friends were meeting us at the concert. I went home pretty soon after that.
You’ve don’t leave the person’s apartment or dorm room. If the plan for your date was to go over to one of your places and cook dinner and watch a movie, fine. But if you are invited over to someone’s place to hang out and don’t leave or do anything, that’s a non-date.
It’s presented as a professional exchange. If colleague/co-worker/friend asks you to get together to talk business, that’s a non-date. It could turn into a date if both people want it to turn into a date, but it’s not presumed. You are there to talk about business until notified otherwise.
So take an inventory of that somebody who is taking up your time. Are they wasting it? If you are looking for a relationship, you need to date. Dating allows you to get to know someone and provides an opportunity to further a relationship. Dating also can confirm if someone is not “the one” for you. So make a decision. You can hang out (non date) a friend. But looking for love? Make it a date.