It's All About Personality - Your Money One
4/23/2013 11:50:00 AM
More often than not, when you’re dating you don’t really think how financially compatible you are with someone. You may not want to appear like a gold digger. Or for the men, you don’t want to be perceived as trying to get in a sista's pockets or get played like a sucka. But after all the fun nights and dinners when things get real, you need to find out some things about your potential boo’s finances. Not necessarily what they make but other factors that could hinder the success of your financial future. After all, no finance no romance right?
A new survey by TD Ameritrade found that while only 5% of folks say money is an issue when choosing a boo, how is it 40 percent admitted they don’t fully trust their significant other with their combined finances? Then on the flip, couples argue about money multiple times per year. And sometimes, it’s a personality issue.
A “money personality” that is.
Scott and Bethany Palmer, “the money couple,” authors of The 5 Money Personalities say, “Every person has a distinct way of thinking about and dealing with money, and in a relationship, those distinctions can be the difference between being on the same page about money issues and having money be a constant source of conflict,” the Palmers explain. “We’ve found that everyone has what we call money personalities — a primary one and a secondary one.” What are they?
Spender: Penny pincher. Frugal. (This is me to a degree.)
Saver: Spenders like to use their money to enjoy themselves, and they also enjoy giving gifts to others
Risk Taker: Risk takers are willing to go out on a financial limb on occasion believing that a big pay off is worth taking a chance. Many investors and entrepreneurs are risk takers.
Security Seeker: My alter ego. A security seeker likes to play it safe. Before making a decision, a security seeker wants to make sure it’s the right move.
Flyer: A flyer isn’t very interested in money matters and financial planning. He or she doesn’t think much about money, and doesn’t want to be bothered with creating financial plans.
While checking out their book can be a great tool, how can you get tips on discussing money right now? Consumerism Commentary gives some scoop in “8 Tips for Talking About Money With Your Significant Other”. Here’s a few highlights ( with some “Juleeism” tweaking):
Start out slowly. Changing your views on money eventually transforms your entire life, and that kind of thing doesn’t happen overnight. A way to transition is to start a budget that details how much is coming in, where is is going, what are needs, wants, etc. Even if your or your mate don’t stick to the budget the first few months, just tracking spending will open your eyes to where their money is going.
Only talk about money when you’re calm and composed. Woosah before snapping about a financial fiasco! Money is a stressful enough topic on its own; add your own anxiety to the mix, and you won’t get very far. Of course, it’s most effective to talk about money before the stressful situations occur, but if you’re already in the thick of it, make sure you’re able to discuss any problems without being defensive or making broad generalizations.
Stay in control of your own finances. You are the best model for your significant other. If you’re telling him/her to save, save, save, but you consistently spend hundreds of dollars on clothes, then it will be hard for them to take you seriously. Even if you’re married and have joint finances, you can still manage your money in way that will keep you from being a hypocrite and also provide a very personal example of wise habits for your spouse.
If all else fails, bring in a third party. You can’t wait until your spouse has hit rock bottom to address your finances. If your significant other feels like you’re nagging or doesn’t think that any of your ideas are appropriate or helpful, then bring another person into the equation who can speak into the situation. Seek out someone who your partner respects and ask them if they’d be willing to sit down and talk with you. Many churches offer Dave Ramsey’s Money Makeover, which can be a viable option.
Look, I am no money expert but know quite a bit on giving, spending and saving. While I can always better budget, it’s no secret my “frugality” can be a blessing but also a hiccup in our house! LOL. The fact is, when I was single I had my own way of how I did my money. Did I need to adapt? Absolutely. After all, when you bring another person into your life, you also bring them into your financial situation. Know where you’re at now and where you want to go. If you know that, you’re at a great place to set a financial plan with your mate.