When Facebook Contributes to Your New "Single" Status....
6/20/2013 12:02:00 PM
I remember the shock when I saw a friends Facebook relationship status go from “Married” to “It’s Complicated”. A week or so later? “Single”. Then more and more posts that screamed, “We going through some drama!” continued to flow on their timeline. While I wish they could have worked it out, they didn’t. One point of contention? The decision to blast their issues on Facebook, which made the spouse feel so disrespected any hope of reconciliation was a wrap.
Ah….social media. I know it’s used to “socialize” but when it comes to relationships, you must think before you share. Doing so could break a situation or be the last straw in an already stressful situation. And the more often you share the tendency to do so at the detriment of your relationship increases. In fact a study shows those who use Facebook more than once a day are more likely to report relationship conflicts arising from social media, according to the new study in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking. How to avoid breaking y our bond because your fingers are typing too much tea? Women's Health Magazine Casey Gueren, the Associate Online Editor gives tips in "Don’t Let Social Media Wreck Your Relationship":
Rule #1: Avoid the premature relationship-status change
Relationship experts agree that the worst social media faux pas is becoming “Facebook official” before you’re actually official. “You need to have that conversation before you change it,” says Wendy Walsh, PhD, author of The 30-Day Love Detox. You should also hold off on posting about a date or sharing photos of you two together before you’ve become a couple. “When a relationship is in its fragile dating stage, it’s very important to have privacy. Intimacy needs privacy to grow,” says Walsh.
Rule: #2: Stop mindlessly browsing
In this study, just logging more time on Facebook was linked with more conflict. So it’s smart to limit your daily posting and tweeting—especially if you’re often sneaking a peak at your newsfeed while you’re together. Even if you’re just mindlessly scrolling through your feed while watching TV with your partner, it can give off the impression that they’re not as important to you, says Christie Hartman, PhD, author of Find the Love of Your Life Online. “Be aware of what you’re paying attention to,” says Hartman. “If they start complaining or showing annoyance, it’s a sign that you’ve gone too far.”
Rule #3: Log off when you’re upset
If you just had a fight or you’re going through a rough patch, step away from the computer (or your phone). Since your newsfeed can be filled with everything from humblebragging couples to photos of your (fitter than ever) ex, it can be filled with landmines that make you feel bad about your relationship—or worse. “It’s really easy to log on and imagine that there might be a bigger, better deal out there,” says Walsh. Plus, you may end up shooting off a passive-aggressive rant that you’ll later regret, says Hartman.
Rule #4: Friend exes with caution
One of the riskiest features of Facebook is that it makes it super easy to connect and communicate with an ex or old crush, which is why the common debate—can exes stay friends?—is only amplified online.
While you probably don’t want to make a point of friending an ex after you’ve started dating a new person, it’s important to tread carefully even if one or both of you are already friends with your exes. Stay cautious about your interactions with them, says Walsh. Her suggestion for staying on your toes: “Imagine that someone has the ability to cut and paste whatever you type and post it publicly.” The bottom line: Don’t be fooled by a false sense of privacy online.
Rule #5: Brag a little bit
Don’t worry: Not all social media habits are relationship kryptonite. In fact, couples who regularly post profile pictures with their partners and share things about their relationship online are also more likely to feel happier about their bonds, according to a new study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. Hartman says that a little bragging online is totally healthy for your relationship: “It shows that you aren’t on Facebook ignoring your partner—you’re including them.” So feel free to tweet about your boyfriend’s awesome promotion or Instagram the flowers he surprised you with. Just don’t go overboard, warns Hartman, or it won’t seem sincere.
Sharing is caring only in some cases – and social media may not be one! While social media can be a good thing but sometimes the devil is in the details. Be aware of what you share – your relationship may depend on it.