Online Dating Misconceptions: What Keeps You from Computer Love?
7/12/2013 12:00:00 PM
Last month, there was a report that claimed couples that met online have less chance of divorcing and are more likely to be satisfied with their marriage. I kind of gave that a side-eye. But some disagree as Time reported this to be a new “wow” factor in lasting relationships. “Meeting online is no longer an anomaly and the prospects are good,” lead author John Cacioppo, a professor at the University of Chicago stated. Cacioppo also admitted being surprised and not expecting the outcome of the study funded by the online dating site eHarmony.
While the study about online daters finding satisfaction in marriage points out an interesting find, with other factors affecting the outcome. The study showed money was a big factor. The more money, the more online hook-ups happened. Example? 3 percent of people making less than $15,000 annually met online, while 41 percent of those making $100,000 or more met partners online. "Since greater income is linked with happier marriages and less divorce, controlling for income reduced the differences seen between those who met online and off," Time.com said.
However, the study doesn’t say meeting online in and of itself improves matchmaking or causes marriages to be better. So don’t get it twisted! Also included were different types of meeting places, growing up together or meeting at school, through friends or through a religious group were linked with more satisfying marriages versus meeting at a bar or on a blind date. But peep this- meeting at work was just as bad as finding a spouse at a bar or nightclub! Also when it comes to online dating marriages that started in chat rooms or online communities were less satisfying than those initiated via online-dating sites.
I think it may be premature but can see how you may be able to rule out what you don’t want and find what you do in the online smorgasbord of dating. However, I do know some girlfriends that have had absolute disasters with online dating! Even a few guys I know didn’t get what they expected when they met up with their online “could-be-the-one” fantasy! But are there some reasons why online dating doesn’t work for some?
Dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan revealed to Your Tango “1O Misconceptions About Online Dating That Are Keeping You Single”. Peep what she had to say, although mainly for females, I think men could benefit, too:
1. The steps required to find love online are not obvious. Most women think they already know everything needed to find love online, but that’s not often true. Assumptions cause daters to become disillusioned quickly. Take time to learn what works because online dating does require some skill to have good experiences.
2. There are so many choices that you can afford to be picky. Yes, there are millions of singles online and yet, I’ve had clients who viewed 5,000 profiles and couldn’t find more than five decent men to contact. It’s easy to disqualify men quickly. But, to find love, say yes to more men and actually meet them because dating is a numbers game. The more men you meet, the better your chances will be of finding a good match.
3. Your profile should say everything there is about you. This big misconception leads women to write long and boring profiles that men do not read. Your online dating profile is not your resume. It’s a form of advertising meant to capture a man’s attention so he emails you. You can fill him in about the rest later as you get to know each other.
4. You should weed out the "wrong" guys by explaining the type you don't want. Unfortunately, when you talk about the kind of man you don't want, you sound negative, hard to please and maybe even a little like a man-hater. Don't do it! Write about the kind of guy you want since this is far more appealing to men.
5. Spelling errors show a man's intelligence. I don't have a single client whose wish list for the ideal mate includes good spelling. Yet, women constantly disqualify men due to spelling. Spelling does not indicate intelligence. People who excel in math often aren't as good with language skills. Plus, being good at spelling won't make a man loyal, fun, loving or good in bed. Overlook a few errors to find out if the man is a potential mate, not an English teacher.
6. Express yourself by posting your favorite vacation photos. Your online dating profile is not the place to display vacation photos. The only pictures to post are photos of you, standing or sitting alone. Sunsets or party shots distract men from focusing on you.
7. Who cares if your photo isn't current? The men you hope to meet and date care! A photo that's a few years old is okay if you still look the same. However, if you've gained weight, changed your hair or aged (when your photo is 10 years old or more), this is false advertising. You don't want a man to be disappointed when he meets you, so post current photos.
8. Everybody lies about age. That's not exactly true. Yes, some people fudge their age, but keep in mind you are starting your relationship with a lie. As a dating coach for women, I don't advise this. If you feel you must fudge because you're on the cusp of a decade (42, 51, etc.), admit your real age in the profile. You'll show up in the age search, but he'll know your real number.
9. If he's texting, emailing or calling you often, he must be really into you. Sorry to say it: this is false. There are men who want a connection without ever meeting or dating you. Yet, virtual relationships are not the real thing. Don't fall for this regardless of his reasons like busy with work, lives far way, trouble with his children, etc. It's all nonsense! Please move on to find real love.
10. All men online are scammers. Seriously, that is a wild generalization. A slim minority of people are scammers who ask for money. If a man's profile goes on and on or is poorly written, if he writes you long emails, builds a virtual relationship, then asks you for money, dump him fast and block him on the site! Fortunately there are plenty of good men out there. Dating sites like eHarmony that require answering a series of questions cut down on the scammer since they don't want to fill everything out.
So what do you think? Truly, I believe the mate that’s right for you can be found in odd places, including online dating. If you are truly looking for love, just don’t waste time only looking for everything on your list. Sometimes, something has to give - whether you meet online or not. Take chances, for you never know where Mr. or Mrs. Right may be.
And yes, they may behind the computer screen. (Cue "Computer Love'"). ;)