Once a Cheater Always a Cheater? Study Says NOT!
8/19/2013 12:00:00 PM
When Tiger Woods began dating Lindsay Vonn, many were like, “Did you not get the memo? A brotha likes to cheat!” Most recently, Tiger jokes have died down while we see the dirty dog ways (allegedly) of Lamar Odom being put on blast. It’s easy to watch the mud-slinging on celeb men and women who have monogamy issues. But we both know there’s a lot of everyday regular folk deal with those who cheat on a regular! It may not be on blogs, TMZ or Access Hollywood but it’s the reality of many couples.
I know in the past, I’ve had friends who dated folk known for their inability to be faithful. After all, you’ve heard the phrase, “Once a cheater – always a cheater!” Unfortunately that phrase has proven true in some cases. But that’s not all the time. In fact, I know some people who never stayed faithful to previous mates but now there has been a total reversal! It’s as if it took one particular person that caused them to re-think the error of their past ways. Well now, science has proved it is possible. Yes- one study has revealed that cheating has less to do with the serial cheater and more to do with the actual couple.
Yep, you read right. When it comes to predicting cheating, relationship factors are more important than individual ones, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research. So you dating an ex-player? Someone who doesn’t come from a lineage of marriages? Those may be legit concerns but researchers found the characteristics of the actual relationship mattered most. That’s why you can know someone who married and you had doubts they could be faithful but in the end, they were. How so? Things like commitment, communication, and satisfaction were priority in relationships where cheating was no longer the norm, according to study co-author Galena Rhoades. On the flip, low relationship satisfaction, higher levels of psychological and physical aggression toward each other, and less commitment were the major significant predictors of infidelity.
So if you have someone who may have been a little wild back in their day, are you worried? Do you feel like your relationship reflects Tamar Braxton’s “Love & War” rather than Babyface’s “Soon As I Get Home”? Don’t assume it’s all bad just yet! It could be factors with you that cause your mate to be faithful to you – no matter what their past issues. So before you jump to conclusions on the issue, peep what Casey Gueren revealed in Women’s Health Magazine in the article, “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?”
From Women’s Health Magazine online edition:
Individual factors have their place in predicting adultery, say experts. “It’s complicated because personal traits and relationship factors weave together,” says sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men On My Couch. For instance, if one partner has an alcohol problem, it may cause a fight between the couple and lead to lower relationship satisfaction—so suddenly their individual factor has turned into a relationship factor. Having a few troubles in your relationship isn’t a surefire sign of infidelity, either. The bottom line: It’s crucial to look at both personal and relationship red flags in a broader context before calling out your partner, says Engler.
If you suspect your partner is cheating, it can be tempting to throw around accusations—and maybe a dig or two—but that decreases your chances of getting an honest and productive response out of your partner, says Engler. Instead, wait until you’re calm and can explain your concerns while emphasizing how you could handle this as a couple. In fact, research shows that talking about infidelity increases a couple’s chances of staying together post-cheat because it puts them in a better position to work through it, says Engler. If there are specific red flags you’re worried about, bring them up in a non-confrontational way. “If you see your partner has parents who divorced or didn’t get married, you can ask, ‘What was your reaction to that? How did it shape your thoughts about marriage?’” says Engler. “You can also ask questions like, ‘What are you most afraid of?’ and ‘What do you most wish for regarding marriage and commitment?’” Talks like this can give you way more insight into your guy than a straight-up accusation ever could.
So what if infidelity has already occurred? For some expert tip on how to overcome click here!