Monday Motivator: Folks Who Gotta Go in 2014!
1/6/2014 11:14:00 AM
This is not your typical Motivational Monday, but when it comes to motivation, some folks drain you of it!
When we think of New Year’s resolutions, we make personal ones – lose weight, eat better, go to church more, etc. But what about one that involve our interpersonal relationships? Those people who drain you mentally and emotionally, causing a lack of peace in your life. A while back, Dr. Phil touched on toxic folk, choppin’ it up with Oprah about his book, "Life Code”. The doc says it’s extremely important to know not just when but how to cut your losses and remove that toxic person -- a "BAITER," as he puts it -- from your life. (BAITER, is an acronym for Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and Reckless.) It may seem easier said than done but when it comes to becoming a better you this 2014, cutting toxic ties are necessary. Yes, it can be painful, but must be done. He said it's about trusting your gut. What does your gut tell you about some of the folk in your life this past year? Since it’s the first full week of 2014, do a personal inventory of your life and the role people play. Do they stay or go? Madame Noire points out 7 folks who you may need to 86 this year:
THE PERSON WHO WON’T HELP HERSELF
The friend who you constantly help to find a job, but who can’t seem to hold one down. The person who you listen to talk about their miserable relationship for hours, give them advice, and discover they went back to the same person. The person who asks for your advice, but does what they want to do anyways, and then comes crying to you when things didn’t work out (in the exact way you warned them they wouldn’t work out).
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: If you give someone an hour’s worth of great advice and you see them implement it, that’s gratifying. If you give someone an hour’s worth of great advice, and they stick to their old ways and continue to fail and be miserable, that was a waste of your time. You don’t have time to waste. Furthermore, you don’t have emotional energy to waste, and you expend emotional energy each time you get invested in that person’s sob stories. The only way you’d get that energy back would be by seeing that person pick themselves up and succeed, but instead, they keep up their same old habits.
THE PERSON WHO WANTS TO BE DEPRESSED
You suggest they go out and meet people, they say they’re too awkward and people don’t like them. You suggest a job they apply for, they list off all the reasons they probably won’t get it. You take them to a movie to cheer them up; they find some way to view that movie as depressing.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: Nobody ever said being happy was easy! In fact, it’s the hardest thing we’ll ever have to do. Being depressed is easy. It takes work to remain positive. You have to mentally train yourself to think positive thoughts, and you have to force yourself to go out and do things that make you feel good when you’re feeling down. You already have a full time job doing that for yourself! You can’t do that for somebody else who doesn’t even want to be happy. And the reason they don’t is because then, they’ll have no excuse to not try things.
THE PERSON WHO ONLY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU’RE MEAN
We all know the grownup version of the popular girl—the girl who bonds with you by criticizing others, or complaining about how lame everything is. A part of you is critical and a part of you likes to complain, and that part of you is drawn to that person and draws that person to you.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: You always walk away from seeing that person feeling ashamed of yourself. Like I said before, being unhappy is easy. Complaining is easy. Seeing the bad side of things is easy. When you hang out with the person who only likes you when you’re being critical or negative, you are seeking out someone who lets you take the easy way out. It’s a slippery slope—that person becomes you’re enabler, enabling you to be negative. Before you know it, instead of doing things that bring up your spirits when you’re upset, you’re just calling that person and letting yourself slip further into a depression.
THE PERSON WHO ONLY COMES TO YOU FOR AN EGO BOOST
Maybe it’s your hot coworker who always seems to conveniently flirt with you when his girlfriend just made him jealous. Maybe it’s your attention-hungry friend who invites you to see her in situations in which she shines, but never comes to important events of yours. It’s the person who knows you’re too nice to them—who knows you adore and even idolize them—and they take advantage of that when they need an ego boost. But they disappear when things are going well for them.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: Every time this person comes to you in a time of need, you get your hopes up thinking they finally want to become good friends with you or even date you. And then you’re terribly disappointed once they’ve gotten what they wanted from you, and disappeared again. That is not a two-way relationship: that person is only around when it benefits them. But if you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that they would not be there for you in a time of need.
THE PERSON WHO YOU ONLY GO TO FOR AN EGO BOOST
You’re probably guilty of being on the other end of the previous scenario. You probably have some guy who has had a crush on you for years, and anytime a guy you like rejects you, you call your poor admirer. You know you can count on him to tell you you’re beautiful and desirable, and once he does that, you disappear again for months until somebody else rejects you.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: You know you feel sick to your stomach after turning to those people. You know you turn to them as a method of avoidance. In a moment when you should be asking yourself, “What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? How should I learn and grow from this experience?” you instead do the weak thing and go to someone who tells you you're perfect and don’t need to change. But that’s not true: any time we have our heart broken or feel let down is a time to reflect, not a time to run to false comfort.
ANYONE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO ACT “NORMAL” AROUND
You know who your true friends are: the ones you share your quirks with and tell your humiliating stories to. The ones who know you are far from perfect, and find your “flaws” endearing. And then, you know who does not fit into that category. If you had to, I bet you could name them right now. The people who you feel you have to act “normal” around, the people you have to pretend you “have it all figured out” around, and the people who you hide every single strange thought and behavior from.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: Your “weirdness” is your gift to the world. Nobody ever did anything incredible who cared about appearing perfect. Nobody is perfect but when you cover up your flaws, you also stifle your strengths and rare qualities. No matter how hard you try, somebody will think you’re weird. So you may as well enjoy yourself along the way and be you.
ANYONE WHO DOESN’T PRIORITIZE YOU AS HIGH AS YOU PRIORITIZE THEM
You know you have that friend, or even that crush who, when you ask them to hang out on a certain date, they say, “I’ll let you know” meanwhile, you put that date in your calendar and turn down all other invitations. Eventually, if that person gets back to you at all it’s at the very last minute, and it’s usually to let you know they can’t hang out. And now you’re left with nothing to do on a Saturday night.
WHY THEY HAVE TO GO: Respect your time on this planet! You only have so much of it! You should only have people in your life who want you to fill your days with great experiences and who help you make that happen. You should only spend time with people who see you as a joy and a gift, rather than a last resort. Those people are absolutely out there, but so long as you keep around people who don’t prioritize you, you don’t have room for the right people.
What do you think” Now, I am not saying that you just call them, cuss ‘em out and say, “Bye!” But pray for a way to cut ties without causing even more havoc in your life. I believe part of making peace is not keeping it but confronting the truth in love. Sometimes the truth may be some relationships are for a lifetime….and others for a season. This season may be a wrap for some.
Happy Motivational Monday as you move toward personal greatness in 2014.