Back in the day, I dated someone whose mother didn’t particularly care for me. She had these little cute nicknames – with a dose of shade if you know what I mean. “Ms. Pizazz”, “Super Energy” , “Little Big Personality”….everything but my name. Eventually I grew on her – kind of like a fungus. But she had nothing to worry about.
He was not the one for me and vice versa.
But when it comes to mama’s and their boys, they can be territorial and very particular about their son’s boo. Even if their own past ain’t too shiny, they want their little prince to have a queen worthy of their off-spring. Remind you of Lil Scrappy’s mother, Momma Dee, doesn’t it?
As a mom, I get it. Despite me going through my ratched hot mess period, I would be giving a side-eye if Justin brought home a girl that I once was like! But we love our boys; so try to understand if his mama does have some issues with you, be respectful and remember:
You are not dating her.
Hopefully, your guy can man up and respectfully let his mother know you are his lady and to treat you as such. You two may never be friends or perhaps in due season, she will chill out. In the meantime, peep some pointers from a dating expert on dealing with a not-so-nice-mama!
Via idatedaily.com “4 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend’s Mom Is a ….” Posted on August 13, 2014 for Dating Daily, Top 5's by Anna Bella:
Don’t Blame Yourself: She probably has her reasons for taking an instant dislike to you, and they are all in her mind. She may be scared you are going to take her son away from her. She may be afraid you are not going to make him happy enough, or that you are going to hurt him. Whatever the reason, it’s not your fault. You have never met the woman, never spoken to her or had time to form an opinion of her. So don’t take it to heart, just play it cool. Give her a hand shake instead of a hug and let her take the lead. Agree with everything she says and don’t get all touchy feely with your man. Keep your distance and be very respectful of her. After all, she may be in your life for a very long time to come if you and your man keep getting along as you are.
It’s Ok to Dislike Her Too: If she is treating you badly before she gets to know you, you probably have good reason not to like her. But that doesn’t mean you two can’t be friends later on down the track. Stay calm and positive when she is around, and don’t let your feelings show until you have had a chance to get to know each other. The last thing your new relationship needs is for your man to feel caught in the middle of a feud, or even worse, like he has to take sides. If things get really serious for you two, his mother’s fears may subside, and she could very well welcome you into the family just as you wished. If you begin open war fare with her as soon as you two meet, there will be little chance of things turning around in the future. It’s all about patience.
Bide Your Time and Bide Your Tongue: Hold back on complaining about her to your partner. Let things settle down and if he wants your opinion, be non-committal and change the subject. Try to get to know her better by doing things without her son around. Invite her for coffee or just begin by sending her the occasional text asking how she is. If she starts trying to engage you in a verbal slanging match or begins posting nasty comments about you on social media, quietly let her know that you would prefer she didn’t do that, and stand up for yourself if she puts blame on you for anything.
Find The Right Time to Let Him Know What’s Going On; Of course, if things don’t get better 6 months down the track, and it’s obvious there is no chance of you two getting on, let your partner know in a positive way. Don’t make it completely her fault. Instead, make him understand that you two are different and don’t see eye-to-eye on certain things. Let him know that you will always respect her because she is his mother, but you would prefer to stay clear of her for a little while until she gets used to you. There is always hope that time will help calm situations and soften her heart toward you.
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Enjoy your weekend, my friend!